Post Pressure

Throughout our four month journey across Latin America, there was one post that stared at me from the horizon.  This one, my theoretical “final” post.   The one that I always assumed would summarize our family adventure with clear, actionable bullet points.  The one that would light up a path towards future endeavors, personal prosperity, and distinction.

The one that has proven to be the most challenging to write.

Driven by a mix of intention, obligation, and self-satisfaction, this piece was to have been a moment in which I would showcase the myriad ways that my family grew closer, developed greater compassion for others, and pledged to seek out opportunities to serve others.   After all, shouldn’t my family have to prove something to someone in order to justify pulling our kids from school and offloading our domestic responsibilities? 

In my formerly boxed up mind, tying a pretty little bow around our journey through Latin America would beautify the on ramp into our world back at home.

I don’t know about you, but that post sounds a bit nauseating.   

Every time I sat down to write,  my perspective shifted.  Just when I felt I had captured the essence of what it felt like to be home, my script would change.  The plunge back into our routines at home was repeatedly unearthing a new layer of awareness.   In my mind, the sediment of our experience was taking its own deliberate time to settle.

Then, we lost Anthony Bourdain.

Anthony’s sudden death hit Sean and I like a punch in the gut.   He was our virtual friend, our travel mentor, and that reliably witty baritone voice urging us to get off the couch and “just go”.    If there was one show we’d binge watch together before our trip (and still now), it was Parts Unknown.   Anthony Bourdain taught us how to create connections in order to travel deeper.  His unabashed pursuit of real culture showed us time and time again that extraordinary moments await us everywhere, more often than not, tucked among the ordinary people and overlooked places.  Because of him, we strive to seek out the soul of a place,  whether it’s around the corner or across the globe.  He affected thousands of people in this way.   His tributes are still pouring in so I urge you to find a table, pour a beer in his honor, and read a few, and then a few more.

With that moment, clarity came, so here’s my take on Our Latin Leap. 

To concisely encapulate our time “off the treadmill” into one post is ton of pressure to put on a family who went into this experience with varying degrees of intention and awareness.  The goals of a 40-something parent can’t possibly mirror those of a 7 year old, whose only ambition might just be to indulge in a Coca-cola while binge watching Pixar movies on a four hour flight.

 I also should to remember that our goal as parents was simply to plant seeds in our three school age boys.  These seeds will hopefully yield a variety of things for them: personal interests, global awareness, or simply a desire to make a difference for someone, somewhere. 

I hope that Sean and I were slightly successful in this effort and our grim family moments didn’t contaminate their mental soil, at least not too much. 

Speeding up the growth of these seeds isn’t how life works.   Believe me, I’ve tried in these last two months but to no avail.   The boys have been so focused on school, friends, sports, and crossing the finish line to summer, that they haven’t had the space to reflect in whatever way works for them.   Either I will finally appreciate the power of patience, or I’ll have to satisfy my selfish craving for instant gratification in other ways.  Maybe oh ye of little patience here, who prefers the Drop N Bloom flowers at Home Depot, should consider taking up gardening.

Personal newsflash # 1: My boxed up mind could use some new windows, doors, and skylights.  It’s hard to appreciate the surrounding landscape by staring at the same four walls.

Returning home was both welcoming and jarring, often in the same moment.  The kids marveled at the beauty and spaciousness of our home, seeing it with fresh eyes, however I felt immediately burdened with a greater responsibility to manage, organize, and keep track of stuff.   We savored tighter and longer hugs with friends and family, but now recognized that a few deeper relationships nourishes our souls more than a pool of acquaintances.   Everywhere we looked there were big, shiny luxury cars, yet we couldn’t stomach the abundance of up-your-backside-honking-at-you-when-the-light-turns-green drivers among us.

The boys re-accustomed to the rhythm of school, activities, and home with ease.  Kids, I believe, inherently thrive on structure and familiarity.  We work tirelessly to teach them the importance of daily routine, so it makes sense that familiarity brings them natural comfort. 

The boys had learned to appreciate that cozy and clean are far more important than fancy and pretty.  I sniffed out an opportunity to channel this rekindled love of domestic comfort into something formidable by assigning a steady stream of household chores.  To my amazement, they now resist a little less when asked to do something.  Once again, cue Hallelujah chorus.

Personal newsflash # 2:  Changing things up every now and then unearths hidden gems..

During the first few weeks back, Sean and I found ourselves constantly off kilter, walking around in our own worlds like that 80’s V8 commercial where a guy walks sideways until he drinks the healthy juice.  We had shared an experience together, yet now struggled differently in our re-entry.   Sean, who has intrinsic laser-like focus in most everything he does, missed the constant stimulus of our travels and was getting stuck in his thoughts.  He needed outside influences to pull him out of, well, himself. 

I, on the other hand, was drowning in the heavy noise and fast pace of everyday life.  I can multitask with the best of them but get dizzy with a constant onslaught of demands, pop-ups, and lung jarring shouts of “mom!”.   My days needed more opportunities where I could get into my personal mental zone.   

With that, we have resumed our familiar routine with some fresh habits and newfound passions.  We don’t rush to fill in the gaps in our schedule, but rather take advantage of these spaces to connect more with others and with ourselves.  We know we’re capable of far more than we thought, so stepping outside of the comfort zone will be the rule rather than the exception.  We try to talk less, listen more, and learn more frequently from people we don’t know.   

Also, we’re not afraid to ask ourselves questions which may ultimately cause change.   It doesn’t matter if the questions are conceptually profound or simple, it’s the act of questioning that is most important.   How will we cultivate what we’ve planted in ourselves and in our boys?  What really is the harm in wearing PJ’s until noon on weekends?    Are we are doing our kids a disservice by raising them in such a fast paced environment?   Is the greater challenge that of finding peace amidst constant chaos?

Personal newsflash #3:  Opportunities big and small await us every day.  Look for them.  Just go.

“If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food. It’s a plus for everybody.”

-Anthony Bourdain    (1956-2018)